Snakes on a PlaneSnakes on a Plane DVD Movie Review |
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Considering how much buzz this film got on the Internet, I was amazed at its poor box office showing. But now that I’ve actually seen Snakes on a Plane, I’m no longer quite as surprised. After witnessing crime boss Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson) murder a prosecutor in Hawaii, Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) is marked for death. Luckily, he’s rescued by the feds and coaxed into flying to Los Angeles to testify. His guardian for the trip is Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson), a tough federal agent who quickly takes a shine to the young man. But unbeknownst to them both, Kim has had his henchmen load down the cargo area with poisonous snakes in a last ditch effort to silence the witness. Seems that they’ve sprayed all the complimentary Hawaiian leis with a pheromone to drive the snakes wild. As you can well imagine, chaos ensues.
Snakes on a Plane is the type of movie that would usually go directly to DVD, but for some reason Samuel L. Jackson decided to attach himself to the project in what must have clearly been a moment of insanity. You may also recognize Kenan Thompson (Fat Albert, SNL), and David Koechner (Anchorman, Thank You for Smoking) among the cast. And then there’s poor Julianna Margulies, still looking shell-shocked over her ill-timed departure from ER. After about 25 minutes of set-up, the snakes are unleashed and promptly set about biting everything in their path. The problem is, the snakes look really cheesy and fake. What’s odd is that about one-third of the snakes you see on screen are real, so I guess I should applaud the filmmakers for somehow making living creatures look like crappy CGI creations. The filmmakers also decided to throw in some shots from the perspective of the snakes. Bathed in a green glow, this “snake vision” doesn’t add anything to the movie, and it’s often hard to tell what’s going on. While meant to be novel, it only succeeds in making the film look cheap and amateurish. There’s also a baby and a dog in the film, so I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that we weren’t subjected to “baby vision” or “doggie vision.” If you’ve ever fantasized about watching lots of snakes kill people, then this is the movie for you. We get to see unlucky passengers crushed, poisoned, bitten, and even eaten whole. The process looks somewhat ridiculous, but it can be tolerated if you check your brain at the door. Don’t expect any great performances here. With the dialogue they were given, it‘s hard for anyone to really break out and steal the show. Kenan Thompson adds some needed comedy as a bodyguard for a rap star (Flex Alexander) with a thing about touching people. Rachel Blanchard plays a Paris Hilton knockoff, complete with an annoying little dog, but she underplays the role a bit too much. I was expecting this character to be really annoying, but she ended up just being dull. The worst performance is turned in by Sean Jones as the plucky young witness. He seems to come up way short in the charisma department, and his transformation from nervous witness into action hero is watered down to say the least. Casting a different actor in this role would have certainly made the film at least a little better. As for Samuel L. Jackson, well, he might as well have played a character named Samuel L. Jackson. It’s pretty much the same guy he plays in most movies. Shoot a gun, yell, curse, lather, rinse, repeat. That being said, he’s still a fun actor to watch, even in a turkey like Snakes on a Plane. It would have been nice, however, to see his character follow a few rules of common sense. He’s supposed to be a federal agent, after all. During the last 20 minutes of the film, he commits two actions which should have not only resulted in his getting fired, but probably have also led to jail time. I know any movie requires a certain suspension of disbelief, but it’s annoying when characters commit insane acts for no reason other than the writer couldn’t think of something more plausible. Of course, this is a film that thrives on implausibility. Not only do we get snakes on a rampage, but the film also throws in the stock “Who’s going to fly the plane?” scenario. Unfortunately, the movie takes the whole thing just serious enough to be reduced to a ridiculous mess. Another oddity was the inclusion (or lack thereof) of baddie Eddie Kim. We see him kill a man with a bat in the film’s opening moments, then later watch him practicing his martial arts. After that....nothing. When I first watched the film, I was hopeful of an eventual showdown between he and Jackson, but it just never happens. This only serves to make the movie feel incomplete. All in all, Snakes on a Plane is a wreck of a film with uneven acting, cheesy effects, and a ridiculous plot. Any one of these problems could perhaps be forgiven, but the sheer weight of the silliness is enough to ground this flight before it ever even gets off the ground. Grade: C- If you like this movie, you might also enjoy:
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So there you have it. This is what passes for “high concept”
in Hollywood these days. Take man’s terror of flying and combine it with a
primal fear of snakes that stretches all the way back to the days of Adam
and Eve. It’s a real shame that they couldn’t have worked in some terrorists
while they were at it.
Snakes on a Plane |
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